I am grateful

Yes indeed, I am.  It's 12:30 am, and I'm still up and on my computer.  Well, thankfully it's Friday night, and I have the next two days off, and don't have to get up early tomorrow to go to work.  Although I tend to wake up early anyway, whether I want to or not, due to my work schedule and biological clock.  But that' okay, at least I have tomorrow off, which is such a relief.  TGIF I say!

I am so grateful for all of my online art buddies out there, for all of YOU, who visit my blog and leave comments, and who also have art blogs.  You all mean so much to me, you really do, more than I can adequately express.  Tonight, I was scrolling through my blog, and rereading all the comments left on my blog.  I do that occasionally, now and then, to remind myself of how lucky I am to have those of you who visit my blog and leave comments.  To have your feedback and support and encouragement.  Wow, it always has amazed me, and still does.  And it always does my heart good, and renews me and refreshes me, to go back and read your comments.

I love my blog, and am so glad I finally decided to jump into blogland last February 10th, 2008.I had been vaguely thinking of doing that for some time, before I finally got proactive and just did it.  And I'm glad I did, and don't regret it at all, but I must also say I feel it's a responsibility.  That sometimes weighs heavy on me, when I'm struggling with my art, or with my life in general.  As I'm sure all of you can relate to, when you have a public blog, it's all out there for anyone to see.  I mean there's no privacy with a public blog.

Consequently, I only share myself to a certain extent, because it's more than a bit scary to share more deeply on a public blog.  At times, I might be tempted to share more, but I mostly pull back from that, fearful of exposing myself too much and of being vulnerable.  I wish I could be braver about sharing my true self, and have more courage to do that, but it's a difficult thing for me.  Then again, I think being or feeling vulnerable, open, exposed, is difficult for most people, don't you?  I think that's a pretty common human reaction.  Afterall, one definition of "vulnerable" in the dictionary is: capable of being wounded.  And no one wants to be wounded, right?

I have to confess and admit that this year, 2008, has been a rough year for me.  A number of things, unexpected and unwanted things, have happened, that have thrown me off course in a number of ways.  I have often felt somewhat lost and discombobulated due to those things happening in my life.  Well hey, that's life, it's never safe or predictable, and all we can do, the best thing we can do, is take it one day at a time.  I rely on God, my faith in Him, to see me through.  To hold me in his hand, and heart, so to speak.  

My art means so much to me, is so important to me.  I'm not even sure why, I just know it is.  I believe God gives each of us certain gifts, and that art is one of my gifts.  I didn't ask for this gift or do anything to deserve it.  And he gave the same gift to all of you, so I think you understand what I mean about that.  And so, I feel compelled to use my gift and appreciate my gift, which doesn't always come easily.  Sometimes it involves pain and angst, frustration, dry times.

But I thank God for the internet, and for our online art community, because it's a huge part of my art experience.  I feel I wouldn't be the artist I am today without the net, and the art community I belong to in my yahoo groups.  I also thank God for blogs, and for the opportunity to have my own blog, and for all the blogs out there I can visit and be inspired by.  We are all in this art journey together, are we not?  Yes, I think so.  And I am so grateful for that, and for all of you who visit my blog, and leave comments, and encourage me and hold me up when I'm faltering.

I just felt the need to make this post tonight, and share these thoughts and feelings.  Thank you all, for being a part of my art experience.  I truly appreciate it, and it means so much to me.  I often think it would be so wonderful for all of us to meet in person, and have a huge, happy party!  That would be a great party indeed.  I love you all.  Thank you.